“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” – Mary Oliver.
Sometimes… I find myself trapped alone in this dark room.
No windows, no doors, no light sources… Nothing but darkness.
It’s not a small room, I can still walk around.
With plenty of space to wave my limbs and be myself.
But there are no sounds, other than the beating of my heart.
And the pounding of my head, of my brain that is trying to figure this all out.
I don’t know how I got in here.
It’s not like I’m stuck or anything…
Just that I don’t remember entering or leaving this room.
And that’s how it goes every time.
You could call it a prison, a chamber without a certain view of a future.
A lost place where the damned soul goes to, when he has nowhere else to go.
But I don’t really mind being alone in here.
I can find some peace from time to time.
It’s a nice little room, just for me.
One would wonder… Why even think of such a room?
But in a world where chaos comes in many forms.
And where a lot people depend on you.
It’s nice to have a place to be alone.
The downside of this room, is that it seems to enhance my thoughts from before I entered it.
Like… When I’m feeling down, it takes me even further down.
It makes me feel what I want to feel, rather than what I need to feel…
And that’s not a good thing when I’m feeling down in the dumps…
However… Sometimes… It’s gives me something to work with.
A piece of paper and a pen. A chance to write things down.
A place to be myself without the fear of judgement from others.
Though… Others might call it closing yourself off…
I know I would call it that.
I would tell others to stay away from that place.
Because of all the darkness and a lack of people.
Then again… I’ve always been a sucker towards my own advice.
That would be my biggest flaw…
On the other hand… That would also be the challenge towards my friends.
To keep me away from that room. No matter how hard I resist.
Or to find a way inside of it, so that I won’t be alone anymore.
But I think, when that day comes… It won’t take me long to find another room just like it.
Another dark, closed of place where I can be alone.
Where I can remove all of my masks and don’t have to worry.
Where I don’t have to be strong towards others.
Where my shoulders can take some rest and the tears can flow free.
Where I just can be… me…